The minivan confessional

Whoopsie Daisy!

2008-07-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

I was doing pretty well there, posting regularly. Then stress set in and it all went to heck. That's right I said it (well, ok typed it), HECK!!!

Sunday is Logan's birthday, numero six-o. As hard as it was to believe Nora turned three, this is even weirder. She seems so grown up these days with her half grown in permanent teeth, her vast knowledge of Egypt, her new ability to jump off the diving board and swim in water up to twelve feet deep, go off a rope swing into a river and be in the progressive gymnastics group. Watching her do all of these new things I realize we are moving into a new chapter, one where she is more sure of herself...well a little.

Nora of course wants to keep up along with her, we have to keep holding on to the back of her swimsuit every time Logan jumps off the diving board because Nora wants to "dive" too. Unfortunately, she keeps forgetting that she doesn't know how to swim yet. I admire that she's not about to let it slow her down, but we'd like her to make it to birthday four.

Erica, Beth and I are doing a triathlon relay. I'm the swim leg, Erica the bike and Beth the run. They both keep telling me I've got the hard part, but its only 300 yards so I'll be done in less than five minutes. I feel bad but neither one of them wants to swim and I sure don't want to do the run : )

A post from work

2008-06-17T15:09:00.000-07:00

Yes, ok there are probably other things I could be doing right now, I already checked the laundry, folded the laundry, wrote my weekly e-mail (a day late, but hey better late than never) and wrote in a journal so really there's not much else left to do for this last 48 minutes (or so) until I get to go walk/run with Erica...and this time we're getting snow cones darn it!

So we are into week three of the transition, the girls are at their new school, Campbell Montessori, and after a bit of tears on both the part of Nora and I everything seems to be settling down. She was expressing some fear "I scared of Campbell" but we could never seem to get out of her what exactly it was she was scared of. My theory is that her teacher for the first two weeks (in the summer, the montessori teachers work for two week shifts so she didn't have her actual teacher to start off with) was much taller than Sarah or Darla...or Bianca or Xia for that matter. I'm not that tall so I think maybe that freaked her out a little having a tall teacher, and this woman is pretty tall. Yesterday she started with her real teacher, Mrs. Jordan and when I asked her if she liked her she told me, "She's not a bad teacher"...very diplomatic Nora!

Logan on the other hand is loving the new school which is great since she was the one we worried about. She has learned the term "stairstep technology"and has made friends with several of the other "older" kids in her class, one girl named Emily she is very fond of (she's seven). They spent two weeks working with legos, making letters, houses, their names (or Logan's interpretation) and then a trip to the City Museum where Charles let a child get a bloody nose...great our first field trip and we'll never be allowed to chaperone again. Now they are learning about Egypt, and already we are being bombarded with facts! I'm so relieved she is happy and making friends, anxiety seems to have dropped a lot!

On my end, I am still adjusting to the changes, my hours have switched twice from 7-3 to 6:30-2:30...the ride in is still too quiet though my latest addiction to Mamma Mia has helped some as I have been belting out ABBA on my way in. Charles is doing drop off now so his hours are now 9-5:30, that is REALLY strange to not have him home until late...well, late for me. Our Friday swimming and pizza night is all messed up now, we can't just go swim as a family in the afternoons now because he doesn't get home until so late but again change happens and I have to deal with it!

Making tracks...

2008-06-01T19:30:00.001-07:00

Today was the Make Tracks for the Zoo run. Erica, Charles and I all ran the 5k, Julia, Logan and their friends Claire, Rachel and Vanessa ran the 1/2 mile race. Nora "ran" the 1/4 race but mostly it was her running about 10 yards, then walking, then crying, then Charles carrying her on his shoulders then us trying to coax her to the finish line while she cried again...she was really tired, but she finished.

Considering that Erica and I haven't gotten a whole lot of training in, she has a cracked rib and I'm pretty out of shape, we finished in 33:47, and that was with us walking a bit so if we had run the whole race we probably would have finished at around 30. For me, this was actually a personal best time, even when I was training for the tri last year I was still having so much knee trouble I had to walk a lot. There is hope for the marathon relay yet! Erica could have finished faster but stayed with me and I appreciate it a lot. We had fun anyway.

Then we finally made it to Jilly's Cupcake Bar in U City which we had been wanting to do since Charles' birthday. The cupcakes were HUGE, the girls loved it, Charles loved it, a little too much icing for me, but good cake. Then we all went back to my parents house and passed out. A good end to the weekend. Tomorrow is the big day, Campbell here we come!

Kindergarten Humor

2008-05-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

Logan and Nora love jokes, generally of the "Knock Knock" variety. We do the one with "Boo, boo who? Don't cry it's only a knock knock joke" the best part is Nora's fake tee hee hee laugh at the end. Then there is "Olive, Olive who? Olive ( I love) you very much" and the always irritating "banana, banana who? banana, banana who, banana who? Orange, orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana" and so forth. The girls of course have their own brand of knock knock jokes which generally go as such:

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?"

"Banana."

"Banana who?"

"Banana, monkey." (and if its Nora telling it the tee hee hee follows)

there are many variations, usually involving objects that they see around them, cars, food, animals, signs. Mind you the punch line makes absolutely no sense but in the three and five year old minds this is hilarious and provides hours (ok maybe not hours but at least the entire drive to and from school) of entertainment.

So about a week or two ago we were driving to my parents house and we were talking about numbers, Charles told Logan and Nora the old "Why was 6 afraid of 7?" joke (because 7 8 (ate) 9...in case you didn't already know this). Of course Logan immediately came up with her on variation of this joke. Here it is as follows:

"Why was Target afraid of Home Depot?" (she picked this because we happened to be passing a Home Depot at that moment).

"Why?"
"Because Home Depot ate Arget."

and then "Why was D afraid of E?"....""Because E ate P".

Hilarious...I can't wait for Last Comic Standing to call. Ahh, the mind of the Kindergartner, I guess I should be grateful that we don't find body functions humorous yet, well...not as funny anyway. Maybe she should start watching tv if for nothing else to get some pointers on good comedy.

The end of a chapter

2008-05-30T21:01:00.000-07:00

So it's officially over, Logan and Nora have ended their time at Hope. It was rather ironic this morning, we got out the door without incident and our ride to school was very peaceful, I was teary the whole way in, especially when Nora decided to start singing her favorite song "What a Wonderful World". Normally Logan would try to drown her out or complain but today she said, "Mama, Nora's singing her favorite song, I don't know the words, maybe she could teach them to me." She then proceeded to try to sing along with her (not over her as she usually does) and then they broke into "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". There was no fighting, no whining, no complaining and for the first time I wished there was so that I didn't have to not want the ride to end, but it did too quickly. I dropped Logan off as I always do, and of course Norlita, Logan's Kindergarten assistant and the person who has been with her at breakfast for the last three years gave me a hug which set me off again. Then it was off to the toddler house where of course the minute we walked in and I saw my friend Melisa I started again. Nora must have known something was up, she wanted to walk with me to clock in today and stayed close to me for a minute longer giving me a tight hug and kiss on the lips. As I sat watching her eat I was struck once again at how big she is and the tears came yet again. David asked me what was wrong and when I told him he said, "Yeah, but they are such cool kids." Cool or not doesn't make this any easier. Good news is he is letting me come in late Monday so I can go with Charles to drop the girls off, which eases my anxiety a bit.

Saying goodbye was hard, even though I will still see Sarah, Darla, Xia and Bianca everyday it will be in a different capacity; strictly in a coworker position now not as a parent. I am forever indebted to them as well as Melisa, Nancy, Anita, Casey and Sarah for helping Nora become the person she is. I can also thank Melisa, Nancy, Anita, Jamie, Adrienne, Misha, David, Kathleen, Corey, Rachel, Liron, Shavae, Swati, Melissa, Justin, Althone, Mark, Norlita and Susie for helping me raise Logan to be the confident, loving, and joyful person she is. You are all incredible people and there isn't enough I can say or do to let you know how much we appreciate all you have done for our family over the last six years. All I can do is look at the people my children have become and be forever grateful to all of you.

Oh, Oh what I want to know, where does the time go?

2008-05-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

The day I've been dreading looms over me tomorrow. I knew this week would rush by too quickly and it has. Tomorrow morning will be the last time I drop Logan and Nora off at school, at 3:15 they will walk out of the toddler house and the preschool respectively for the last time. Monday morning Charles will take them to their first day at Campbell Montessori for the beginning of a long path, what I hope is a wonderful one of course, but one that will be theirs for the next 8 and 11 years (they will be there through middle school).

I have had one of my children in the same building with me for the last six years, the other has been just down the hill from me for the last three. I remember the day we dropped Logan off for the first day of preschool, I was on maternity leave with Nora and I bawled because my baby seemed so big. Well, now look, my baby baby is going to preschool (primary in montessori) and my oldest is entering the lower elementary program, she'll be with children that are 7, 8 and 9 years old...I'm not ready for that. What I'm really not ready for is not having them near me, not having the constant chatter in the car in the morning, not seeing Nora in passing when I go to the kitchen or out on the playground, not having Logan blow me kisses from her playground and come running to the fence to say hi to me and tell me about her morning. I won't have a window into their days anymore. I don't know their teachers yet, I don't have a repore with them, I'm not familiar with the building or routines of the new school and that makes me feel very unsettled.

Logically I know the girls will be fine, they will make friends, adapt well to the new environment, they are montessori children even if a slightly different background, but I worry because I don't have the connection that I do to Hope, at this school I'm just another parent...and a neurotic one at that. I want my children to be well cared for, to be accepted for who they are and loved like they have been for the last three year by the wonderful people that have nurtured them into the beautiful people that they are. Will they see them in that light? Will these new teachers try to change them into something else? Will they find the joy and creativity in them as endearing as Misha, Mark, Norlita, Chavae, Althone, Sarah, Darla, Xia and Bianca did? I pray so, because if they don't I may have to bite the bullet and stay home and teach them myself.

I anticipate Monday being a very emotional day for me, and I have a new child of my own starting in my class so I can't even be there when the girls go off to their new school. I know as we settle in to the routine I will adjust, I just don't deal well with change, it's inevitable and yet I fear it so. For the sake of the girls, I remain positive so they can be excited for this adventure ahead of them.

Can't believe we've come to this

2008-05-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

It's been a whirlwind of activity the last two weeks in our family. Nora turned three last Monday, she received a "big girl" bike like Logan's, all pink and white and shiny. She hasn't quite figured out the mechanics of pedaling to make herself go forward but she's got pushing backwards on them to stop and is quite content to let us push her around on it. The excitement of the bike was quickly overshadowed by the small cake Charles brought home for us to share and the icing fight that ensued thereafter...most meals at our house these days seem to end with food being thrown or smeared on others. Saturday was her party at Bounce U, thankfully unlike our experience last year with Logan's no one got injured besides our wallet and a good time was had by all. The birthday girl had to be carried out kicking a screaming so I'd say that was a success and at least this time we didn't have to pay extra for adults to bounce. I look at her and just can't believe she's three already, seems like I was just pregnant with her, seems like Charles was just playing basketball while carrying her around in the sling, seems like we were just settling in as a family of four, now I can't imagine it any other way. She's just so big these days, her vocabulary, her empathy, her desire to be so much like Logan and all of her friends, Nora just doesn't see herself as "little", but on even keel with her older sister, even when she isn't quite there, she's not willing to give up the fight. Gymnastics starts in two weeks for her, it will be interesting to see how she takes to her first organized activity, she's certainly not a go with the program kinda kid.

This week the show has been all Logan, last night was the spring musical at Hope, our last one...again something I can't believe. This year she performed not only with Room 7 but then with the Kindergarten at the very end. For the last month she has been singing "On Top of Spaghetti" at the top of her lungs over and over, there were 4 other songs she performed last night but apparently that's the one that really meant something to her. Not the pledge to the Earth, not giving out hugs, not being thankful for everything, but meatballs and sneezing...that's my girl. She sang with great expression and confidence, her teacher Misha told me that she had been practicing very hard the last few weeks and at the rehearsals she had done a very nice job, she certainly was confident. I was struck though at just how much she has grown over the last year, listening to her talk about all she has learned this year in Kindergarten, looking back at where she was when the year started and mostly just how old she looked up there on the stage, well it made my heart hurt a bit.

Tonight was her gymnastics performance, she was nervous about performing in front of all of the parents which I thought was a little ironic since she had no qualms about it the night before but once she got out there she was great. Having seen her progress since the beginning of the year I am again amazed at how far she has come, it always seemed to me that she was just out there being silly, I know her teacher Miss Gretchen said she loved having her in class but it never really looked like she was getting much out of it but she had fun so that was all I cared about. But as she went through the opening routine with the big kids too she kept right up with them and then as they went through each apparatus I saw just how much she has learned this year, she can now do a forward flip over the bar on her own, she can walk on the beam forwards and backwards, pivot, kick her legs up, dip and do a v-sit when for most of the year she wouldn't even get up on the high beam and when she did she made her teacher hold her hand. She can do a bridge up, forward rolls, an almost cartwheel and kick up almost all the way to a handstand on the floor. Not bad for someone who just started and was pretty unsure of herself for the first few months. Her confidence in herself has just grown in leaps and bounds over the last few months and it is showing in everything she does. I used to worry a lot about her, but after the last two nights, I know Logan is doing just fine, she's Logan and that's all she needs to be.

I'm pretty proud of my two girls, the people they are becoming, they are such different personalities yet each one of them is a truly incredible person...I am blessed thoroughly! I'm just not ready for them to be so grown up yet.

I think I'm scared to have daughters....

2008-05-05T18:58:00.001-07:00

Ok, so I realize they're only 6 and 3 (well almost anyway) but there is a lot going on lately it seems with teenage girls, even younger and this need to appear and be sexy? Why is that? I feel like a fuddy duddy worrying about this, and even though right now neither girl has any interest or idea who Hannah Montana is, I know that soon enough, their exposure to her or someone similar will become a part of their life. I look at Logan, she is comfortable with who she is, the way she dresses (I often liken her to Punky Brewster) but she doesn't feel the need to be like everyone else and for that I am grateful, she is who she is. But will it happen? Will she one day decide that she wants to start wearing short skirts, and midriff tops or shirts with rhinestones that say "brat" or "diva" or worse? Will it be because of her own desire to find her fashion or her need to follow the pack? At their new school in the elementary program they wear uniforms and at first I was hesitant about the idea but the more I think about it, the better I feel only because there won't be that need to compete with the other kids to have the right clothes. At least not yet...

I am thinking on this more and more right now as my mom and I have been talking about a situation my Aunt is dealing with regarding my fifteen year old cousin and her first "boyfriend" a guy she has met online and happens to be eighteen. In this day and age, the practice of meeting people online has become so commonplace (as this is where Charles and I met ourselves)but there is always the worry of predators, but its probably not any worse than to meet someone at the mall. You do have to wonder what an eighteen year old wants with a fifteen year old, but the benefit of the doubt plays in, I dated a senior for a while my sophomore year in high school.

Here's the thing, when I was in high school, the group of friends that I ran around with that I know of only two were sexually active, one because she had very low self esteem and one because she was in a serious relationship so to her it was a "love" thing. For me, the guys I dated, sex was never an issue, I never thought about it, even if they might have, I wouldn't have, and I didn't have great self esteem myself (though how many adolescents do?) but I was an athlete, a musician and involved in school, I also knew the risks and the consequences.

But today it amazes me that kids don't view oral sex as sex. Only intercourse is considered sex, even though there are still risks involved. Is it because we aren't educating our children in schools? Is it because we are afraid to talk to our kids ourselves? Is it because we are just too busy to even spend time with our children that we don't know what they are doing anymore? Whatever it is, it scares me to think that in just another ten and seven years my girls could be facing these pressures and I want to know that they aren't feeling the pressure to put out to be liked or fit in. In this case, for once, I hope they are like me and secure enough to say no. Or Charles just makes them both chastity belts for their birthdays to wear until they are married.

I ramble, but there are so many thoughts about this going through my head, I love my girls. I don't want them to live in bubbles, I can't shelter them but I want to protect them from all of this negative image that would lead them to think that this is what it means to be a girl or a woman. I want them to be strong, powerful, confident and happy feminists!

The Botanical Gardens, camping and neurology

2008-05-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

The weekend started out with a soggy field trip for Nora and I to the Botanical Gardens, our last one together at the toddler house :( despite the rain, she and I had a wonderful time splashing in puddles, looking at flowers (a novelty for me, with Logan we never got to actually look at them), enjoying the paths and waterfall in the Japanese gardens and climbing in and through several of the sculptures from the "Niki" exhibit. I highly recommend this exhibit, though there is one sculpture of a skull that was a little scary to Nora and the rain made them a little hard to climb on because they are made of glass and stones but the textures and colors are wonderful in addition to them being mostly hands on. We didn't even make it back to feed the koi fish which is usually the main draw of the trip but one of the other teachers said they weren't eating that morning anyway. By the time we got to Tower Grove Park to eat lunch the rain had stopped and it was shaping up to be a nice though a little bit windy day. We ate and then my favorite part, went and ran around on the hill next to the stone shelter.

That afternoon we went on the first camping expedition of the season with the Boyets and the Sniffs. Three six year olds, two three year olds and a fourteen month old (who wasn't feeling very well but was quite a trooper!). The plan was to get out of town by 4:00 and get up to Quivre River State Park about 45 minutes north of our house, so we'd have plenty of time to set up, eat dinner and play. Well it took a little longer to get going, we forgot Logan's sleeping bag from Charles' mom's house so we had to stop and buy one so that took some time, then we made the mistake of eating before leaving town which actually took longer than it would have to drive to the park (Buffalo Wild Wings at Fifth Street in St. Charles sucks in service on a Friday afternoon apparently) so that took almost another hour and a half. The straps holding the canoe to the roof of the van were making a horrific noise (like a didgeridoo at 3000 decibels) and then Nora decided she had to use the bathroom when there wasn't one so she started screaming with twenty minutes left in the drive...by the time we got there I had a massive migraine. We got set up, the kids played a bit and everyone went to bed by 9 or so...except Elise who held out until 10:30.

Of course our kids were the first ones up at 5:45, it was cold and it kept drizzling. The morning didn't get any better, the sky kept getting dark, the wind was blowing, it was just downright cold so we decided to close up shop and head home. But we played on the playground and took the kids out in the canoe and to the beach to play on the sand while they waited their turns in the boat. They all did great taking turns and had a great time in the boat, Julia and Logan even paddled themselves around once...yey girls! Turgeon wasn't so thrilled about being in the boat but since he wasn't allowed on the beach and we weren't about to leave him in the van to eat the seatbelts it was his only option. I'm surprised we got away with it. Then we headed home and of course then the sun came out for the day and it was quite nice but I think we made the right decision, it got down into the thirties last night, we'd have been miserable...well, everyone except Charles! But we came back to our house, cooked dinner for everyone, the kids played, we made s'mores on the firepit and everyone in our house was in bed by 7:00....oh yeah, we're living crazy!

So this morning, Logan was sitting at the kitchen table looking out the back door and said to me, "How come we can see so many things at once with our eyes?" While I was trying to figure out how to answer her she said, "Our eyes send a message to our brain! Why can't we hear the message our eye sends?" I told her because the message travels so fast we don't really think about it, but in my own head I'm thinking that I have no idea how to answer this and that I better go to medical school because I can't keep up with the conversation, she's getting too smart for me these days. I am not smarter than a kindergartener, let alone a fifth grader!

I'm not special : (

2008-05-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

So my cousin Emily (ok, she's technically my cousin Elizabeth's cousin on the other side of the family but I really love her so I claim her as my own) sent me this email to find out how many other people in the U.S. have the same name as me at www.howmanyofme.com and it turns out that not only are there 8 other people who have the same name that I was born with but there is actually someone else with the same married name as me, which is kind of funny since our last name is not the actual name Charles family came to America with, it was Americanized when they came through Ellis Island. And how many other Irish women married a Jew with the same last name? Well, apparently one other...I wonder if she's a half breed married to a half bred as well. Anyway, it was a crushing blow to the ego to find out that I am not the only one of me out there, but not as bad as Emily, she was one of 1, 517...so at least I'm a little bit special : )

Conversation with Nora Part 2....

2008-04-26T14:35:00.000-07:00

Wednesday afternoon we were driving in the car, Charles was on a trip to Toronto and would be back that evening. Nora is going through the phase where she wants to know where everyone is and what they are doing. The following is yet another "Cheech and Chong" conversation with her...break out the pot!

Nora:Where's Daddy?

Me: In Canada, he'll be back tonight after you are asleep.

Nora:Where's Daddy?

Me: In Canada.

Nora: Where's Daddy?

Me: In Canada.

...five minutes later (and I'm not even exaggerating here)...

Nora: Where's Daddy?

Me: In Canada (exasperated)

Nora: WHERE'S DA-DDY??? (equally as exasperated)

Me: IN CAN-A-DA!!!

Nora: No, he's in Canada. (and then a pause) He's in Mexico.

I wish I could go back to the minute I said, "Boy I can't wait until Nora can talk" and slap myself for saying so. My only consolation in this is that she apparently did this to Charles while I was gone at Nationals and that was for four days. Just wait until she has children.....

Happy Pesach!

2008-04-20T14:12:00.000-07:00

It's Passover...that glorious holiday where we remember the Jews being freed from slavery, travelling through Egypt to Israel and on the way eating those really crappy crackers we now call Matzoh. To commemorate the holiday we read the story (or at our Seder we do the Reader's Digest Abridged version and last nights was one of the most abridged I've seen yet) and then suffer through eight days of not being able to eat bread and having to try to make sandwiches out of matzoh...which crumbles worse than saltines and has no taste what so ever.

On the other side of the weekend, Logan lost her first tooth on Friday. Well, lost may not be the right term...I "removed" it for her after she asked. I was very impressed, for someone who gets upset when her fingernail hurts she didn't cry at all when I pulled it, I was sure she'd freak out from the blood but nope, she was way too excited about being like her friends that have lost teeth, this has been a big deal for her wondering when she was going to have a loose tooth. We've explained to her that everyone loses their teeth at different times but I think the fact that her friend Claire lost her first one when she was still four made her a little jealous, but now she's in the club and the tooth fairy paid her a visit leaving a gold dollar, a regular dollar and a book. Hurray for the tooth fairy promoting literacy!

We've spent the rest of the weekend working on the gardens, playing with our neighbors Lucas and Julia and enjoying spring being in full swing!

What a Long Strange Trip its Been

2008-04-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to sum up the last month quickly, March started out so simply and by the end of it we were preparing ourselves to have to say goodbye to Charles' dad...well, on Sunday, April 6th we did just that...he passed away after a very fast bout with lung cancer.

March started out with my hockey team winning State, we were on such a high. The next Friday we went over to the Boyet's to play and that night I went out with some friends from work. I came home and Charles told me his dad was in the hospital with a broken neck but they didn't have any details. Apparently he had been having neck and back pain for a while but just chalked it up to muscle strain, but it had gotten so bad that he couldn't eat so they went in to get it checked out.

That week they discovered tumors on his spine, his lymph nodes, his lung and his femur. They were still optimistic, after all, just two weeks prior he and my mother-in-law were on their yearly vacation to Jamaica...may not be anything too serious.

So I went to regionals in Chicago the following weekend, where we won in two games qualifying for Nationals in West Chester, PA...my first trip back to the big dance in 8 years and my last since I was retiring from competitive hockey after this season. I came home to find out that Gary's lung had collapsed while I was gone putting him in the ICU and they discovered that he had Stage 4 lung cancer, but even then there was optimism...he could still live 2 years, maybe more with treatment...after all he had been so healthy up to this point.

During the next week he had to be resuscitated and still wasn't eating...I went to Nationals, which was a blast, we played really well, winning one game against Connecticut, losing by only one goal to the defending National Champions, getting hosed in a game where we played short handed pretty much the entire game and still only lost by a goal and still qualified for the quarterfinals and finally falling to a strong team from Michigan after leading going into the third period. While our record may not have reflected it, it was some of the best hockey we've played, it was a great way to end my career with a wonderful group of people..couldn't have asked for anything better other than winning it all, and we got to watch Manon Rheaume, Shelly Looney, Sue Merz and Tara Mounsey play (all former Olympians) at the same time!

I came home to find out that Gary decided to stop treatment, it was a hard decision to accept but given the situation, he wasn't going to be able to sit up ever, his spinal cord was too damaged, he wasn't eating and he didn't want to be a burden on anyone, it was the best one foe him and we respected it. They told us he probably wouldn't make it through the month.

On Sunday afternoon Charles and I went to visit, he wasn't awake while we were there, it was very hard for me to go, but in the end I am so grateful I did as it would be the last time I would see Gary. Sunday night at 8:15 his mom called, she had stepped out of the room and while she did he slipped away...I think he waited for her to go so she wouldn't be there, he was a gentleman like that.

It's been a hard week, a hard month. So many thoughts have raced through my head about all of it, how did this not become apparent sooner? Why Gary? He was a wonderful person, only 61...I know there are lots of people who lose parents early on for no reason, my parents and my best friend being some of them...but I think about Charles and his brother who have lost a wonderful father, Charles is the wonderful man and father he is because of the parenting that was modeled for him by his dad. Logan and Nora (not to mention my niece and nephew) have lost their beloved Grumps and Nora especially will not have the benefit of remembering this man who loved her more than anything on this earth, Logan does and will for a while but the memories will fade as mine of my Grandpa and uncle who passed when I was young have. She talks a lot about it right now, Thursday was hard on her, I sensed her stress but she also knows that Grumps is all around her, in her heart and she is still with him. I think ahead to Race for the Cure, Thanksgiving, Christmas, even just weekends when he would come up to help Charles around the house with electrical stuff or just to come for breakfast. There's a big empty spot, you think parents will be around forever and when they aren't it kinda hits you full force, even when they aren't your own parent, someone like Gary touches your life so strongly you can't imagine him not being there. His funeral was proof of that, so many people were there, everyone liked Gary, you couldn't help but not. He was kind, generous, loving, funny, and everyone he came in contact with knew it, even if he had touched their lives only briefly.

I knew him for almost 11 years, it wasn't long enough but it was to know these things. I am so glad I had that time with him, grateful our children had 5 and 3 years with him and say Thanks Grumps for everything, you are missed!

The Big Race!

2008-02-12T14:58:00.000-08:00

So Saturday was the Valentine's Day Race for Charles and I...3.5 miles around Whitecliff Park in Crestwood. About 25 people showed up for the race, it was a great day for the run I must say and with a combined time of 1:31.02 (45:51 for each of us though Charles probably could have finished the course about 20 minutes faster but he was feeling chivalrous and staying pace with me)we came in 2nd of the couples...out of 3! There would have been 4 but the last couple dropped out. The funny thing was, we crossed the finish line second to last, the 3rd place couple finished last.

On the personal level, let's just say, I stunk that course up!! I chalk a lot of it up to the fact that I really haven't been able to run since November but I would have thought that being mid-hockey season would have helped me out a little. I was wrong...dead wrong, I should have been like 1o minutes faster than I was but oh well, it was fun anyway. We got a box of chocolates each for our placement and if I hadn't had to walk most of the second loop I would have finished first in my age group, which again isn't saying much because I think there were three of us, but I think this may become a yearly tradition for us, we're hoping to rope other couples into it too but we have to try to take it all next year!

The Snow Day...NOT

2008-02-01T17:10:00.000-08:00

So we got about 8 inches of snow last night, over 400 schools in the St. Louis metro area were closed today, major businesses were closed, Government offices were closed...basically unless it was essential for you to be out, it was advised for you to be home. Well apparently work felt that we fall under the catagory of needing to be out in the bad weather. I wouldn't mind this, we do have parents that are doctors that work in hospitals, so I understand if they are on call, but when I have to go into work that means that Logan and Nora have to go with me so not only am I risking my life, I am risking theirs as well. I should have taken it as a sign when it took me three tries to get up the hill of our street but I knew that I had to go in so I kept going. What is usually a 12 minute drive took 45, we almost wiped out 3 times, and so by the time I actually got to school I was a shaking, crying mess. I was lucky though, one of our interns actually did get hit by a car that spun out, obviously there was no way to avoid this but really it just shows that the roads were not safe.

In total, only the 6 lead teachers that aren't on maternity leave, one intern, and five assitants and our boss made it in. The phone was ringing off the hook with people trying to get in and either putting their cars into ditches, getting stuck or not being able to get out at all. So we had to close early because we didn't have enough staff. Then there were the parents that did bring their children in. Of the 4 from my class, three had siblings whose schools were closed for the day so a parent was home, two showed up at lunch time. I would say that of the 20 or so children we had in total, probably 5 of them actually had parents who went to work.

It's very frustrating to be in this position, we obviously have to be open for parents who really need us but why does our administration feel that our lives are not valuable enough to close for one day just so they can make money? My feeling is, especially after one person got in an accident is, isn't better for us to close and insure that your staff is safe for one day than have them risk getting injured and then lose that person for days or worse? The other thing is that the Elementary school on our campus closes for the snow but we are open, why are those teachers lives more valuable than ours? We try to shake the stigma of being a "daycare" but yet doing things like this doesn't really present ourselves as a school setting, schools have snow policies in place.

I wish there was something that we could all do to present this to someone to show how we as a collective group feel. I am not alone in my feeling on this, but there is no way for anyone to voice their concerns or feelings on this...we are not in a union, all we can do is vent to one another, grit our teeth and get through it as we did today. I know I am complaining, I have been since yesterday, its over, done with and I need to move on, but everytime this happens it gets me so frustrated. Hopefully writing it out will allow me to move on.

On the plus side, once we did get home this afternoon, the girls and I, along with Charles enjoyed a wonderful afternoon playing in the snow. We were disapointed that it wasn't very good sledding snow but Logan made a very wonderful and creative snow elephant, she decorated the whole thing herself and it was so much fun watching her come up with ideas for how it should look. Nora got cold pretty quickly and went inside and made herself a bowl of yogurt, then she and I colored with markers.

A trip to the Art Musement

2008-01-29T14:30:00.000-08:00

Charles and I took Logan to the Art Museum for the first time on Sunday, after her field trip there Tuesday was cancelled. Once she caught sight of the Grand Basin and Art Hill she was torn...mummies and the "Cap for Sale Guy" or running down the huge hill in the beautiful weather. But we told her the hill would be there when we came out and we'd still have time to run too.

So we started off to find the painting, she spotted Monet's "Waterlillies", we looked at "The Dancer", wandered through the Christian inspired art, Logan was impressed by a statue of the Virgin Mary with Child that was created in 1360, she thought it looked like it was made of wood. Then we found the painting, George Caleb Bingham's "The Verdict"...there is a man with 3 hats on that reminded Charles of "Caps for Sale". Logan wasn't all that impressed, time to go see the mummies.

On the way, we saw a statue thought was hilarious...a man scratching his tushy. Then we got to the mummies, looked at those for about three minutes and the inevitable "Can we go now?" occurred. We got her through the pre-historic period, Native American clothing, modern furniture and then she was ready to go, modern art impressed her not at all (I'm with her on that one!)

So we headed down the hill, having played two hockey games in less than twenty four hours I went a little slower than Logan and Charles. There were some idiots (college age boys of course) standing on the ice in the Grand Basin throwing a football, paying no heed to the fact that the ice behind them was thin but hey whatever. Of course Logan then wanted to try out walking on the ice too. Hey, I lived in Minnesota, I am all for pond skating but not when there are thin patches to be had. But Charles kept insisting that Logan would be fine on the ice, it was several inches thick, but yes...I was a worried mommy. She did stand out on the ice for a minute and walk around in a small half circle, but I really didn't feel good until she was back on the steps, but she really was fascinated by the ice, throwing it and seeing its thickness.

Then we headed back to the hill, she noticed several people flying kites and wished that we had brought one as well. Instead she used her imagination and I was very impressed by what she came up with. We found a string, she got a leaf, Charles tied one end of the string to the leaf and with the other she got the leaf airborne. It was so great to watch her delight in her creation and excitement when it worked. It was the perfect end to the weekend!

On the me front, I scored a goal in a game Saturday night, had an assist Sunday and was +5 overall for the weekend. Ronnie wouldn't let me transfer my stats from the Ice Holes game over to my Hericanes stats but in my head I'll be +3 on the season...and 3 points too : )

A conversation with Nora....

2008-01-18T14:03:00.000-08:00

(Setting)I am in the bathroom, Nora is in the family room on the chair talking to what I originally assumed was herself but came to realize was directed to me...

Nora:"Daddy?"
Me:"No, Daddy isn't home yet remember? He'll be home tonight after bed."
Nora: "Daddy?"
Me: "He's not here"
Nora (slightly louder) "He's not here?"
Me: "No, he's not here."
Nora (slightly louder): "Daddy?"
Me: "He's still not here"
Nora (louder): "He's still not here?"
Me: "No, why are you yelling?"
Nora: "Why am I yelling"
Me: "That's what I asked"

I felt like I was in a Cheech and Chong skit only there was no pot...I love the mind of the two and half year old.

My other favorite Noraism this week is her telling her teacher Darla "I don't have accidents in my underpants" as she is peeing in them. I guess it's like Homer Simpson says, "If I don't see it, it isn't happening it" (ok, his was if I don't see it it's not illegal but I'm sure that'll be used in adolescence).

Happy New Year!

2008-01-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

Can't believe its 2008! I remember being a kid and thinking 2000 was way far off and trying to figure out how old I would be in "x" year and thinking whoa, that's old! Here I am, old! Ok, not really, 33's not really a big deal but ever since 18 life has just flown by.

The last ten days definitely flew by, Christmas seems like a distant memory. Again as a kid I loved having my birthday then, I thought it was magical and despite what most people expected, I never felt gypped but that's probably because I was an only child and only grandchild so I got a good haul and I we celebrated Chanukah. But not that we host the festivities at our house (and I use that term loosely) I don't really get the chance to enjoy the day. We got up in the morning, the girls opened gifts from us, my parents came over for breakfast, we finished cleaning up the rest of the house, why I don't know it just got trashed again five hours later and the next thing I knew it was 6:00, our house was a wreck, Charles and I were exhausted and everything was done. The highlight of my day was Charles attempt at a Christmas tree cake that was a wonderful idea in theory but ended up more like Mt. Vesuvius. Tasted better than it looked though. Other highlight was my handmade card and coupons good for sleeping in, breakfast in bed, a night out and things like that courtesy of my husband. For him that was the equivalent of a romance novel, and I was touched by his thoughtfulness.

The rest of the week past in nothingness, just what I wanted, we played, read books, colored, napped. Friday Charles took the day off and we went ice skating with Adam, Erica and Julia and their neighbors at the Mills. It was Nora's first time skating and other than not being pregnant it was exactly like Logan's first time, one of us having to bear her entire weight and drag her around the ice, but towards the end she started to get the idea to move her feet. I don't know if she enjoyed it, I know the big girls did, but I can see her liking the idea of checking people down the road.

New Year's Eve was our experiment, the Boyet's came and spent the night, the girls played, decorated crowns, and stayed up all the way to 8:30. I've never seen three kids crash as hard as they did. We were worried about Julia and Logan sharing a room after the last time we had someone spend the night and the girls were up until late and then up at 4:30 AM. They probably would have been ok if Logan hadn't gotten freaked out by the fireworks and had an asthma attack...that's my girl! The adults partied it up downstairs with a movie until Elise woke up at around 10:15 causing Erica to have to call it a night, I followed suit at around 11 (not 10:30 as previously reported, I checked my watch for the last time at 10:58). We finally went upstairs at about 1:40 AM after the guys finished their other movie. Do we know how to party or what?

Today was our first day back to school, it was hard to get back into the routine, even though we hadn't been sleeping in or anything, I think that ease that we had gotten into made it hard to have to rush around. But at least I don't have to deal with the Highway 40 shutdown!

It's Bridgetmas Eve!

2007-12-23T21:41:00.000-08:00

That's right...well almost, in 19 minutes it will officially be Bridgetmas Eve, the day before my 33rd birthday, oh and Christmas too...my Aunt Cheri's Birthday as well, though I'll not comment on her age, we'll just say that she's older : )

Its been a fast year, the girls and I were watching video clips on the computer from our trip to Punta Cana back in January. Its so hard to believe that was almost a year ago, Nora kept saying, "I go there, I go back." They keep telling us they want to go back to Rolla too, if I had to pick, I'd go with Punta Cana...it had a beach. That was right when I decided to do the triathlon and subsequently tore a ligament in my knee and sprained my ankle playing roller hockey on said vacation (on the plus side, I was the only female in that tournament, scored two goals and our team won...USA all the way!). The triathlon seems forever ago as well, I remember thinking I'd never be able to actually finish, especially after seeing the bike course and having to get off and walk several times in the beginning, but I did and in better time than I expected. Of course, I have yet to do another due to other injuries and lack of time but this is one of my big goals for 2008, there are a few indoor tris this winter I can use for practice and then I'd like to aim for Memphis in May with my friend Rachel.

Nora turned two, its amazing how quickly the time has gone the second time around. She is such a funny kid and loves to laugh. She, loves to laugh and does easily and is fearless as she was showing us last night at the pool as she throws herself off the side regardless of whether or not you are ready to catch her. She likes to play dolls and of course do anything that Logan does, its hard for her sometimes when Logan wants her space, she really seems to look up to her and doesn't understand her sissy's need to be alone.

Logan turned five, that still hurts me to say. She loves Kindergarten and the excitement of being the oldest in room 7. She has a thing for science, especially weather and natural disasters and also seems to enjoy math (obviously not my genetics at work) and of course art. Tonight as Charles and I were putting together some Christmas presents I was going through her art work, of which we have a ton, she really does make some interesting patterns and color mixtures...I know its one of her favorite things to do. She also started gymnastics this fall and is enjoying that as well, she tried Chinese for a couple of months but was frustrated because she didn't understand the teacher and the papers she brought home weren't written so that non-Chinese speaking parents (of which I think we were the only ones) could help, so we dropped that and now she wants to learn to play the violin.

Charles and I celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary and our 10 year of being together. I say it to myself all the time, I don't know how he puts up with me, but for whatever reason it is, I am truly grateful! To celebrate we went to dinner and then later in the month took the girls camping with our friends the Boyets and the VanPuttes to Trail of Tears State Park near Cape. Other than Nora's bowels ceasing to work, it was a fun trip. We also did a float trip earlier in the summer, a now annual event, and a day hike to Hawn. Its been so great to find a group of friends to share our love of the outdoors and have our kids all get along so well, hopefully this will be a group of friends that will stay together for many years to come.

Another thing that we have started this year is running, I got the ball rolling with the triathlon but in October Logan and her friends Julia and Jackson participated in a fun run...it was Logan's first and she was hooked! She did a run on Thanksgiving, despite it being about 3 degrees (ok, it wasn't that cold but it was cold and for her to actually do it was amazing) and is anxious to do another, but the next one for kids isn't until April. Nora wants to do one too, so when we do the GO!St. Louis Run for Logan, there is a 50 yard dash for Nora's age group as well. Logan has mentioned a desire to do a triathlon but she needs to actually learn to swim further than 5 yards!

While we've had our ups and downs this year, I realize that I am so very lucky to have the family that I do. My daughters are happy, healthy, loving little girls who are growing up to be wonderful people thanks to all of the people in their lives. I have a husband who loves me no matter what, even when I can't understand why. I have my parents who love me and care about me no matter what. I have a close circle of friends who protect me, listen to me, love me, accept me, and help me see that I am doing a good job even when I can't. I have parents at school who show me that they appreciate the care that I give to their children everyday even when it doesn't seem like it and I have countless others that touch my life in some way either once in a while or on a regular basis in some way shape or form that have helped me make it to the eve of my 33rd birthday when there have been days when I didn't feel like making it to the next morning. Thanks to everyone who has been there and is there for me, I can't tell you enough how much I thank the powers that be for giving me a strong support network...goodness knows its the best birthday present I could ever ask for! It's now officially Bridgetmas Eve!

Let the good times roll...please!

2007-12-21T18:20:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! I am officially on "vacation" until Wednesday January 2nd, 2008. That thankfully seems so far off from now but I'm sure in reality the time is going to fly by. I have needed this mental health holiday for quite some time now, and after the week I have had I pray to the heavens this helps. Tuesday we had our lunch at the Ritz with David which was wonderful but in the process I managed to drop my wallet and didn't realize it until the next morning when my gas tank was on "E" and I went to fill it. Thankfully Charles decided to follow me to QT so he paid otherwise we wouldn't have made it to school (which in retrospect wouldn't have been a bad thing). I haven't had cause to take my wallet out of my purse much so I couldn't even remember the last time I had seen it, then I really panicked because I had taken my social security card into work to be copied for licencing and didn't remember that I had taken it out so I thought that was missing too. So of course all day I was unsettled and distracted by this and trying to remember the last time I had used my debit card which had been a whole week earlier. But since then we had been to Bread Co, Wal-Mart, Target, Michaels...even though I hadn't taken my wallet out it easily could have fallen out of my purse (this is why I hate purses). Charles then mentioned maybe it fell out at the Ritz...nah...couldn't have. We went ahead and reported my bank card missing...Bank of America now knows I am an idiot because I didn't know my own password, didn't know how many accounts we have with them but thankfully I could still identify myself, date of birth and place of residence....Alzheimer's at 32 is scary!

I almost didn't even call the Ritz, it just didn't seem likely, the wallet was gone. But I took the chance. Sure enough, it was there...well at least it has a somewhat happy ending, I don't have to get a new drivers licence :) But this is how my month has been, my neurons don't seem to be firing, I can't seem to have one day of normalcy and my eye won't stop twitching. I asked for a new brain for Christmas, I'll even take one second hand, just one that works at a higher capacity than the one I have now. Maybe Santa will spring for a new sense of humor as well, I seem to need one of those these days as well.

So here is to the next week and a half of spending time with my girls, relaxing as much as I can, not stressing out about things (though I doubt that will happen) and maybe regaining a bit of the sanity that seems to have left me over the last few weeks...I miss it.

Straight No Chaser - 12 Days

2007-12-18T14:33:00.001-08:00

It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?!?!

2007-12-18T13:57:00.000-08:00

Ok I am in a serious funk, have been since Thanksgiving. It is in part because my foot since it was never determined what was wrong with it and now a month later I am still having trouble with it. I tried skating on it for the first time Sunday and am paying for it now. Then there was the stress of conferences, then I found out that someone I have known pretty well for the last 14 years has inoperable cancer in her lungs, liver and brain...a coworker's brother passed away a week and a half ago, it was raining no stop here for a while and I just get stressed out with the holidays.

Not that there haven't been bright spots along the way. We had our first snowfall of the season this past weekend so we had fun playing in that. Logan got to light the Chanukah menorah all on her own this year and in her words, "I was a little nervous at first but I didn't set myself on fire", we have discovered the hilarity of the phrase "I want BACON" and welcomed a new furry friend Clementine SkippyjonJones Jacks into our house. Everyone is thrilled by our new kitty except Bonnie but then what do you expect from a 14 year old cat.

The brightest spot of all is the selflessness of our children. One morning as we were getting ready for school Logan noticed a bag of old toys that we were donating to the crisis nursery. She asked what they were for and I explained. A few minutes later she said, "You know my piggy bank?" I said yes and she said, "I want to take the money and give it to kids that don't have anything for Christmas". So what we did was count her money...and later Nora's because whatever Logan does Nora must as well : ) and with that the two of them picked out toys for a little girl that Charles' work had adopted. Logan was so proud of herself that she got to pay for them all by herself. It was so amazing that this act came completely from her and that even Nora wanted to be a part of it. I keep going back to it when I feel truly down.

A slighty scary moment...

2007-11-21T19:16:00.000-08:00

So we were on our way to school this morning and coming down to an intersection when an elderly woman pulled out of a gas station and stopped in the lane of oncoming traffic. I assumed this was to wait for me to let her in (which I was going to do). So I stopped to give her ample room even though she did NOT have a blinker on to indicate that she wanted to get over (which I absolutely hate, but whatever she was already in a traffic lane) but she sat there. So I waited thinking maybe she didn't realize I had stopped. Meanwhile, traffic from the oncoming direction (to her) was now coming at her...she still didn't move forcing people to have to veer around her into the far lane. As people in their cars are staring at her jaws open in disbelief she STILL continues to sit in the wrong lane, I have still left ample space for her to move to the correct side of the road thinking that she is going to realize it at some point...she doesn't. So at this point, I decided to go ahead and pull all the way up to the white line so the sensor would trip so that the 80 cars behind me would not have to sit all morning while we waited. As I went around her and looked, she was looking off towards the other direction, completely unaware that she was in oncoming traffic. The light turned green for us, we began to move forward, those of us on the correct side of the road and she on the incorrect side and turned into the lane almost into a minivan a few cars back from me. Of course I had the girls in the car with me and I am thinking, had she been coming at me head on from the wrong direction, what would I do? I am all for older adults retaining independence and I agree with my mother that our city doesn't provide adequate transportation for our elderly residents so they have to have a way to get around but there has to be a point where we draw a line. After the 86 year old woman that almost caused me to lose Nora when I was 8 months pregnant with her because she failed to recognize that she needed to yield on a green light, I am very leery of elderly drivers...especially when my children are involved. I just hope that at some point she realized what she did and stops to think that maybe she shouldn't be driving before she hurts herself or someone else.

Why is it?

2007-11-19T19:32:00.002-08:00

That almost every morning I am late to work because I have to fight to get Logan and/or Nora out of the house and to school? Its not because we don't have enough time, goodness knows they're up at the crack of 5:30, we don't have to leave until 6:40 or so but the rule is that they have to get dressed before they can play and that means if they have time left before we have to leave, that is the time they have left to play. It used to be that we didn't have time for play, they used to actually sleep until 6:30 or so (I miss those days) but now they are up, they get dressed, brush teeth and are rearing to go before I'm even out of the shower. So today I'm ready to walk downstairs and the argument was that Logan wanted to use the binoculars and hadn't gotten to use them long enough. I told her nicely that I was sorry but it was time to go downstairs. Neither one of them made a move to go, the both continued to ignore/argue with me. So I said again, "It is time to go, please go downstairs and get your shoes on"
Logan: "No, I didn't get to use these long enough"

Ok, so now I'm pissed. I don't care that she didn't get to use the binoculars, because every day there is an issue, and everyday I am late for work or close to it and I get there cranky. I have a job where I am supposed to leave my personal issues outside and be fully present for the children I serve. How the hell am I supposed to do that when I don't have even a moment to process between home and school. So I came up with a solution. I'm not going to be late for work anymore, whoever is ready to leave with me leaves with me, whoever isn't then Charles has to take to school and HE gets to be late to work once in a while and get in trouble with his boss. I thought this an excellent solution...so I presented it at dinner.

His response, that would double his gas expense, thus making no sense at all. Oh, but it makes perfect sense for me to continue to be late for work and start my day out crabby? I bet it would only take it happening one time for it to stop...well....I can dream anyway.

To top it all off, it sounds like I'm not going to get to run Thursday due to a possible stress fracture in my right foot but through my own research it sounds more like sesamoditis...either way it doesn't look good for running or hockey for a while, I'll know more tomorrow. But I am playing paintball no matter what!

A pain in the toe

2007-11-17T13:08:00.000-08:00

So I'm not sure what I've done but somehow I have managed to injury my big toe on my right foot and it hurts like the dickens! Yesterday as I was standing at the sink brushing my teeth I noticed that I was having some trouble standing on my foot but I have noticed that in the past if I wear my birkenstocks for prolonged periods I have foot issues, so I figured I'd put my running shoes on and see if that helped. Well, it didn't...I am having to walk on the outside of my foot and I can't figure out if it is the toe or the ball of my foot that I have hurt. And I wouldn't care except I have a game tomorrow morning and Beth and I are running a 5k Thanksgiving morning so I guess I need to get this looked at if its not feeling better by Monday...grr!

We finally got a family picture taken today, it actually went relatively smoothly and other than Nora having an unexplained scratch on her chin I think they turned out ok. It was the first one we've had done since Logan was about a year and a half. I'd like to get one of the girls together but their patience was wearing thin and at 49 bucks a package one was enough thank you. So we're going to set up the Chanukah bush next weekend and take one ourself! I was very proud at how well the girls responded to the photographer, it took a while and they were very patient!