Just another lazy Sunday

The girls are napping, after spending the night at Grumps and Grandma's while Charles and I went to a wedding yesterday. They were definitely tired as well as battling colds from last week's camping trip (I'm not sure any of the kids came home healthy from that one but I know they had fun). So moods are a bit grumpy today...

Our camping trip to Trail of Tears State Park, just north of Cape, was fun once we got Nora's bowels moving again. Up to last Friday, she had gone for at least a week, maybe longer without pooping making for a very unhappy girl. We had to help her along, which was tramatic for all of us, well maybe not Logan...she was just watching tv. But once we got things rolling, life has been much happier for us all. It was cold last weekend, good camping weather. The kids enjoyed the fire, playing ball, hiking and exploring. There was a triathlon going on there too, but given the temperatures, I'm glad I wasn't racing...that water would have been COLD!

But its been hot again this week, poor Logan got a new long sleeved dress and leggings from Bubee and she is dying to wear them, but with temps in the 90's I just couldn't in good sense allow her to. Looks like the weather should cool down this week and she may get her chance. Picture day at the toddler house was Friday, last year it felt like fall, this year the kids were sweltering. Nora had to wear a long sleeved shirt for her picture because her tattoo from two weeks ago still hasn't worn off. Given that she only seems to get professional pictures done at this time of year only, I really didn't want it to show, normally I wouldn't care. She didn't mind, she thought she looked good...she did too!

The downward spiral continues

So every afternoon I have delusions that I will bring the girls home from school and in the few hours between then and bed we'll play and laugh and make dinner and they'll play together and we'll all be one big happy family. Instead we get home,I feel like there are things that need to get done which will take my attention, the girls both suffering from lack of naps end up screeching at each other, Logan gets bossy and I send her to her room with her throwing herself down, whining and crying. By the time Charles gets home I have had it and its one struggle after another until bed. The girls have been losing stories a lot lately.

Well this afternoon I lost it, Logan was trying to take work from Nora, Nora's screaming at her, Logan's screaming too, and I asked her to find some other work. That began the "no, I want to use that" whine until I asked her to go to her room. "No, I don't want to" finally after a few times she stomps upstairs, tears ensue. Nora is wet from us emptying the pool and wants to change clothes, she goes upstairs and I hear her telling Logan to go to her room. In other cases this might be funny since Logan often takes the parental role upon herself to tell Nora what she needs to do. Today, I'm not in the mood. I helped her change clothes and several more times I hear her telling Logan to go to her room. Finally after asking her to stop and her not listening (which apparently was a theme with her today) I send her to her room...hysterics ensues.

She actually climbed the gate, this is twice in the last week now, even with it up higher off the ground. I put her back, hysterics. I decide to talk to Logan, ok talk wasn't the right term, I cried and yelled at her. She started crying...mommy guilt to the max. But I went ahead and said my peace, then I scooped her up and held her, we cried together on the floor.

In the end, I made sure that despite my poor handling of this situation Logan and Nora both know that even when I'm mad I love them both. I asked Logan if she knew how I felt "mad and sad" she said. I asked her how she felt "sad and needing to throw up" (she was pretty hysterical). I offered her ways to let me know what she needs, even if she's mad, I assured her that she can talk to me, I want her to be able to express emotion and not worry about making me mad. We wiped our noses together (we had boogies she said) and she finished her puzzle. Meanwhile I went to deal with Nora. This one was a little easier, she just wanted a hug. Then she went in to offer Logan one, and without my suggestion said she was sorry.Logan did the same. I never force them to say sorry, I don't believe in it, and tonight I was glad for it, they did it all on their own. Later when we were getting ready for bed, Logan told me she was sorry for making me cry, I told her I was sorry for making her cry. We had a wonderful dinner, lots of laughter and time to be silly after as Logan practiced her bear walk (homework for gymnastics). we ended up all being silly together and I think for the first time in a very long time I was able to fully enjoy my time with the girls...finally. I just wish it hadn't come through the way it did, but then again maybe it needed to happen.

I'm drained now, I think a lot about my own childhood, the craft projects, the trips we took, the things we did together and through it I don't remember the negative times regarding my parents and I. I know there were, I just hope that 25 years from now they can look back at this time and remember the connections we made and not the bad...time goes so quick, before I know it I'm going to have to beg for family time, I want to make the most of it while I can.

Another weekend comes to an end...

Here we are, Sunday night...why is it the weekends speed by so quickly? Other than getting waterlogged at the Manchester Homecoming yesterday it was a good weekend. The girls got to ride the ponies yesterday, Nora's first time on a horse, she liked the "bumpy" but wasn't too sure when Logan's horse kept sneezing, she gave the horse the skunk eye a few times. Logan of course is an old pro at riding so she had no hesitation.

Our friends Misha and Claire came over in the afternoon. The girls played princesses, fought and then played again. Logan did get a taste of her own medicine when Claire didn't want her to play with her baby doll. Logan does this same thing to Nora all the time, so of course my sympathy wasn't too deep, will it get through to her...probably not but at least I'll have something to draw from next time.

Today I had hockey practice again...skating is good this year, however I seem to have forgotten how to actually play, I felt like I was skating in circles during our scrimmage though I did manage to take two of my teammates out, at least I haven't lost that touch! Then we went over to Bubee and Zada's for Sunday night dinner. By the time we got home several battles of wills had ensued, though for once Nora's bedtime was scream free...she has been very scared about being alone. Tonight it was Logan's turn to have the diffucult time, just once I'd like to have one night where I am not ready to hit the bottle after bed. I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom instead, strange therapy but at least I feel I accomplished something.

I wish I was one of those parents that could just relax, I read a passage in the montessori book I am re-reading regarding being a parent and trying to teach your child at the same time. It said that it is more important to be the mommy-teacher as opposed to the teacher-mommy. I often get the roles backwards because I feel like my children are held to a higher standard due to my job. I think that is why I am often unable to fully enjoy parenting, I feel like I am being scrutinized and judged. Why do I care so much, I'd rather my children be sure they are loved (and they are without question) but sometimes I point out faults rather than accepting flaws. Its something I'm working on....

Would you like some cheese with that whine?

Wow...ok so I recognize that Logan isn't napping during the week and Nora is getting readjusted to napping at school and as a result took a 40 minute nap this afternoon but between the two of them this evening I thought my head was going to explode.

Now the logical side I know that both of them were suffering from lack-of-sleep-itis. From the minute we got home from school Logan switched into whine mode, at least Nora found work to do but I had things I needed to get done, I do feel guilty that she wanted to play and I couldn't seem to get there fast enough, however once I did she acted like she didn't want me to. I've tried being patient but whining is just one of those things I can't deal with, especially after a day of whining and crying. I lost it several times tonight and yelled, she got mad because we started reading books at bedtime without her after she was asked several times to get her jammies on and pick out her clothes for tomorrow.

I want so badly for things to be pleasant when we come home from school and enjoy our few hours together but its really hard right now, I'm feeling like a bad parent tonight.

The weekend in revue

We shipped the girls off to my parents on Saturday so Charles and I could celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary (it was actually yesterday but oh well). Logan was rearing to go at 7:30 that morning, I had to convince her to let Bubee and Zada sleep a little longer. When we did finally get there she immediately asked me when I was leaving...just as soon as I remove the dagger from my heart!

So Charles and I saw Superbad...which was moderately bad...some funny parts but a little too many sexual references for my taste (yes, I know I'm prudish). Dinner was the Melting Pot, good food, good wine (gasp...Bridget, you drank?!?!? Yes I did and well, hockey practice sucked the next day) and great company.

We went to Beth and Mat's house on Sunday (my cousin and her hubby). Christopher is home from a three week trip to Bejing. Other than losing or being mugged of his wallet in Shanghai he said it was a good trip. We haven't seen him since Christmas as trips from Oregon aren't cheap. The girls played in the pool, Logan swam without hesitation in a pool she couldn't reach the bottom in...yey her! Then they played princess wiffleball, it was great to see them running around in fairy dresses playing in the dirt.

Yesterday we ended up at our friends, Adam, Erica, Julia and Elise, house. The girls as usual had a great time playing but of course leaving was hard. But today was a school day for all 4 girls and so it was necessary to say goodbye early. Sometimes I feel bad that we don't let the girls stay up as late as most children, but as Logan fell asleep in the car on the way home from school today I remember why we don't.

Logan started Chinese today, she was excited but I'm not sure how much she got out of it other than how to say hello (which she already knew). The worksheet she brought home has the Chinese words written out phonetically but I know that how it looks to us in English may not be how it is actually pronounced...guess we'll have to ask Christopher! She practiced writing a "story" today, did several math worksheets and worked on writing her name (sometimes her "A"s don't look great) she was very proud of all the hard work she is doing..we are too!